Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
