did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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