Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
