i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
