so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
