if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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