I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
