you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
