I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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