she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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