i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
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my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
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I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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