I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You smell like stripper and shame
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
