she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
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Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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