apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
