The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
