do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
everyone is single if you try hard enough
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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