Swine flu. Run for my life!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
