Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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