I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
