remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
