No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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