I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
