he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
