the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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