i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
