I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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