My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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