I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
