I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
