she looked like the before picture.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
