He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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