they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
