Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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