Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
