Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
