Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
God, I missed his penis.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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