haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
