you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
