How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
