we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
