for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
These tits shall not be calmed
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
