well I can't set my house on fire every night
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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