You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
