We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
