I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
