She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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