p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
