Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
