They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
