Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize