We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
