shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
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She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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