I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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