someone owes me an orgasm
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
