i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
