You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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