It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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