FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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