I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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