While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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