Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
