I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The Olympian is in my bed
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
