I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize