and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
