Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
