Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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