I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
