she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
