you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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