would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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