I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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