I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
