I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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