Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
