...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
