I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
