Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
