Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
