"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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