How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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